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Keyy Blog

Unlock your true potential.

Written by Luke Summerfield
on August 09, 2016

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Have you ever wanted to start a conversation with someone, yet failed to do so because you hit internal tension and fear? (I know I have)

I use to struggle with this exact issue. I would attend events or go out at night and really struggle with being proactive in starting conversations with other people at the event.

Eventually I overcame this struggle and now have zero problems with starting up amazing conversations. Many of these turned into meaningful business and personal relationships that help shape where I am today.

How did I overcome this struggle? - By reminding myself of two key ideas anytime I felt the tension and fear come over me.

In today’s Bite-Sized Bit, we are going to look at those two key ideas and how you can use them to overcome your internal struggles with being first to start a conversation.


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-------------------------- transcription --------------------------

Greetings!

My brothers and sisters.

My name is Luke Summerfield and I am excited to bring you a short, sweet little more so from Key.io Bite-Sized-Bits today. It’s going to be a short one, short to the point with some actionable things to keep in mind.

Coming to you from Union Park here in Tokyo, Japan. I had the pleasure of touring the zoo; always have a love-hate relationship of zoos. I love  absolutely love love love animals, love seeing animals but of course  the zoo .........aah  it’s like prison for this animals so it always break my heart to see them in there so it’s like love-hate but I always  like to tender and smile. And we had a beautiful Shrine behind me that I had the opportunity to go and check out yesterday.

So what we are talking about today Little Bite sized morsel today is the idea of being first by being proactive in taking the first step in opening a conversation or opening a relationship opening some type of dialog. And the reason I bring this up is this something that I struggle with for a long time, whether I was going to a conference and I was trying to find somewhere to sit for lunch or a conference to someone sitting next to me or you know you want, may be someone walking past to you at the hall at work or even you know you are at a club, you are at a dance club whatever it is and you see someone who you know, you want to trying to start a conversation. You want to open up a dialog and you kind to feel this pressure like pulling in, you have this tension like part of you saying just go do it, just go do it and part of you saying I don’t know, I don’t want to look dumb. And I think in some level we all struggle with this, I still struggle with it but now I have couple of things that I have trained myself. Giving myself kick in the butt and say to myself whenever I notice when I am conscious of that tension.

So, the first thing is when in doubt go first. When in doubts kick yourself in the butt and  go do it and the reason we don’t do that in lots of the time because we have this fear we don’t want to look dumb, we don’t want to look kind of put ourselves out there for and individual. But this is the thing that I always keep in mind whenever that goes through the in my mind. I think about myself and if I put myself in the shoes and there were someone else when I was at a conference, when I was at a nightclub, when I was at a walking through the halls like I like it in the past when I think about my previous experiences when someone come up to me and says Hi, or friendly or tries start a conversation. So, knowing that why wouldn’t it be the same in the other way around, why wouldn’t it be that this person when I come up that one, when I open up a conversation, when I say hi, when I ask them where are they from and how they doing and what’s going on and trying and knowing more about them and open a dialog, why wouldn’t they appreciate it in the same way.

So that’s kind of like stuff when I say think about my previous experiences and time and time again I thought of things where thing obviously someone was proactive and came to me and it turned out really good in my head I was afterwards  happy that they did it. And the second think they keep in mind that the reason person go to conferences, the reason people a lot of time stay and hastens or lot of time the reason that people go out is so that they can meet other people like that’s the reason that they are going out. And so by you going up there and being proactive and saying Hi and starting conversation, you are fulfilling something that they set out to do.

So it’s a win-win so it’s there really not any negatives. What’s you need to consider of course you have to be very conscious on what happens after you open a conversation. You need to be able to read people’s body language, reads whether or not it’s welcome or not welcome. Of course may be there, may be as the conversation is going, it’s really not going how you want it. And you need to be able read those people and understand okay this is when I need to exit the conversation.

That’s a whole separate topic a lot on reading body language and being good conversationalist will have other bright site beats on that. And of course you always have to read the body language before you go open at it. Sometimes people are being closed up for a reason and so it’s important that you don’t come in there, you know open conversation and when you don’t. So, keep that in mind of course but generally speaking in this situation as you are walking by people at work say Hi to everyone, be proactive, just say- Hey, how’s it going? How’s your day going? Good to see you. You take the step to be the first person. And you are going to spark little light in a day or if you are at a conference be proactive go up to people and say Hi and introduce yourself and ask them keep the conversation about asking question to them sort of you just telling about them.


It’s again being a good conversationalist and taking a genuine curiosity in learning about people. And when you are at hasten, go start a conversation. So, my takeaway for this again short low bright site bites on today is be proactive, be the first one to do that and anytime be conscious of your thought when you are in those situation and whenever you have that kind of tension of look Oh.. should I or should I not, I want to but I am not sure, ask yourself these two question remember back to the time when someone was proactive and came up to you and said Hi. And also then just remind yourself and double down and say look this person wants to hear from me, that’s why they are here, that’s why they paid this money to come to this conference. They could attend this conference virtually but they didn’t, they came to it, because wanted to meet people.

So, keep that in the mind and just give yourself a kick in the butt, just do it and what’s so worst going to happen. The worst is a they will say Hi, you exchange few words and then they will say aah.. I need to keep moving on and that’s it. That’s the worst thing, that’s it, there’s nothing negative that’s going to happen from it. And I found after I kick myself in the butt kind of treatment, trained myself to think like that. It’s really open the door for me to have really great relationship, meet some new people and allow me to expand my network by just kind of that one simple little switch of being proactive and me taking the initiative of being the first one. So, homework is today when you are at work or if you are listening this at night tomorrow at work I want you to think in your head as you seen people walk through in the hall. As coming into meetings, as things are going in and you be proactive and being the first one to say Hi, to initiate the conversation and you will see the people will light up and it will be good positive reinforcement to it.

So, quick on for today, I am now let you go with that, it’s a quick but good one and I will talk to you later. I am going to go wonder around the zoo little bit, could check out some of the Shrine and see what other kinds of odds and ends and weird things I can get into here in Tokyo. It’s quite a place, so talk to you soon.

Take Care. 

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